Throughout my journey of finding who I am and my purpose in life, I have always had a battle and an enemy who brings me down, myself. My name is Sofia Velasco and I am a proud Mexican American who can speak three languages. I have been blessed with a beautiful but crazy family. I have traveled to many mesmerizing places and seen so many new cultures. All these aspects of life mark who I am today and what makes me unique. I am a person who overthinks every scenario, which can sometimes be helpful but stressful. When life gets the worst in me, I always try to forget my emotions and pretend I am happy. Being alive for eighteen years has made me realize how I should not be focused on the past or future but live in the present. I have learned to cherish living in the moment and embrace the memory in the now.
For many people going to the mall, the movies, restaurants, and talking to people are everyday activities, but for me it is a struggle to do these basic activities due to my overthinking which leads to my anxiety. I always tend to overthink every situation, big or small, which causes me to stress and always see the worst. For example in basketball I am always anxious for the games and start to freak out because I imagine the worst happening to me. The whole crowd judging me if I miss the shot, if I make a fool out of myself then everyone will laugh at me, and if I don’t do my best and make my team look weak. All these fake scenarios running through my head keep replaying and make me anxious. On a game day I cannot eat anything 4 hours before or else I vomit. I remember a game day the coach told me I was going to play and I threw up my food I had prior to the game. I did end up playing in the game and nothing happened to me except I scored some buckets.
However, just because I have always overthought everything doesn't mean I always get a negative outcome. The aftermath of when I have achieved a situation that gives me anxiety is a feeling of success knowing I overcame anxiety. I feel proud of myself for not letting my anxiety get the better of me. Sometimes in life one has to “get comfortable being uncomfortable.” This means, push the limits in order to be acclimated to new situations.
I am shaped by my overthinking, my reliance on others’ happiness, and the ability to live in the moment. Just as my Mexican-American heritage is a big part of who I am, so are these three qualities. Each one plays an important role in how I live my daily life and how I make my decisions. I have ups and downs but it is always like a circle; a constant loop of overthinking but still trying to live in the moment. However, I can work on these qualities and continue to progress as an individual. One of my personal goals is to not rely as much on others’ happiness for my own. I want my future to be me being happy all on my own. Everything in life happens for a reason. There is a reason I want to live in the present because I want to relish the moments I have with my family and friends because they might not be here in my future. Overthinking will always be a part of me and I cannot let that go. Although my anxiety is a part of me, it does not define me and my decisions. These aspects will always shape me and each will continue to evolve in their own way as I evolve as my own person. I will never stop learning who I am and what makes me unique.