Astride the wave, I felt entirely in my element when, suddenly, an enormous splash—seemingly set ablaze by the sunlight—nearly blinded me. Wiping salt water out of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of the source of the spray: a nearby surfer performing a cutback.
The cutback is a foundational maneuver in surfing. To perform it, surfers gain speed on the wave and, when they reach the crest, turn their shoulders and cut back to the power source of the wave. An effortless cutback is the most basic move among serious surfers—thus making it even more embarrassing for me that, seven years into the sport, I had yet to execute it. With each attempt, I lost confidence in myself; I worried that if my failure was seen by others, I would immediately be classified as a beginner and become a laughingstock. If I stuck to what I knew, I would avoid the vulnerability of showing any weakness.
The first time I stood up on a surfboard was a few weeks after moving from Beijing to Los Angeles in sixth grade. Despite being a timid, inexpressive kid out of the water, I found immense peace and freedom alone in the vast ocean. Day by day, surfing quickly became a stabilizing factor in my new life.
I pushed my struggles with the cutback into the background as I started coaching at a surf camp. My eight-year-old campers did not care how they looked surfing—they would ride the wave lying down or sitting as if they were driving a race car. With each wave, they raised their hands and howled with pure elation. As an aside, seeing how much joy surfing brought to these kids made me want to do more.
In the summer, I started working with the Jimmy Miller Surf Foundation, which offers surfing therapy to veterans, at-risk youth, and frontline healthcare workers. On my first day, Sean—one of the medical workers—would immediately topple over on his knee when standing up, then launch right into the water. Even when frustrated, Sean was eager to learn. I guided him through the steps until his newfound confidence was evident when he finally caught his first wave.
As I cheered Sean on, I noticed my hypocrisy; I encouraged my students to take risks and have fun, yet I couldn’t listen to my own advice. Afraid of being seen as inadequate, I became fixated on knowing instead of learning. Seeing the pure, beaming joy on the faces of the kids who tried surfing for the first time and Sean’s relentless effort despite failing continuously brought me back to when I first started surfing—rising before the sun, an hour-long bike ride to the beach carrying my surfboard, the ice-cold water, the patience and persistent as I floated waiting for a wave. Back then, nothing was for show. I was surfing for the sake of learning.
And so, one Tuesday evening, I went surfing. After paddling out, I attempted a cutback on the first wave but fell over quickly. My embarrassment built up, but soon, I collected myself. I was not here to perform; I was here to learn. Bearing this in mind, I paddled for the next wave. Once I felt carried by the momentum, I pushed my upper body and turned my shoulders to the source of the wave.
Whoosh!
As I witnessed the spray from my first successful cutback, I understood that being a beginner was not the scariest thing. It was the best thing I could possibly be. Approaching every situation with a beginner mindset and treating fears and mistakes with curiosity is the key to advancing. My cutback is not perfect yet, but what’s wrong with being caught up in the process of trying?
Shoutouts
Teacher and Staff:
I want to thank all the teachers and staff here on campus that have helped me through my past 7 years at RHP.
Ms.Blanchette
I enjoy being in your math class for the past 3 years. In your classes I realised how hard and complex math can get sometimes. I am proud that I was able to get through those classes. I also want to thank you for assisting me in the M&S diploma program because it allowed me to find my academic interest for college.
Pablo, Blake, Jordan, Mateo
I am glad we all started hanging out at the beginning of Junior year. I always look forward to our plans on the weekends. I love going out every Saturday night and trying new food places in the SouthBay. Hanging out with you guys was something I looked forward to every week
Mateo
You are one of my first friends here. I remember the first time I ever saw you was at a Target shopping for school supplies and I never thought we would still be friends till today. Thanks for helping me adapt to the new country, especially at a time when I just moved here. I remember you would hangout with me every lunch when I had no friends. I also remember that you went out of your way to explain things that I didn’t understand in class.
Nate and Keil
I remember back in 7th grade we would sleepover on friday nights and go surf Saturday morning. I didn’t like school too much back then and knowing that I would be surfing with you guys every weekend got me through weeks that were rough. My favourite memories with you guys was waking up at 4 in the morning and going down South to surf.
Yaya/Sister
We grew up together and went through challenges together. I always felt safe having an older sibling by my side. Seeing how hard you worked in your high school years inspired me a lot. I remember that you would take me to school in the morning, have basketball practice after school, and come home to do AP work, SAT prep, and somehow be good in all of those. We’ve gone to the same school together our whole life and I wish to keep that trend going next year.
Laura/host mom
To be honest, when I got notified that you were going to be my host mom I thought all you would be is let me stay at your house and take me to school. However, I was wrong after meeting you. You were like my second mom and made me feel like home when I arrived in this new country. You did so much to help me adapt here and I am glad to have you as my host mom.
Parents
You guys have done so much for me and my sister. My mom could have been living in her home country now but she decided to stay with me and my sister for the past few years just to make us feel safe during the pandemic. My dad has been working hard in China despite not having his closest ones by his sides. I appreciate everything you guys have done for us.