For some reason growing up, I never felt the need or want to ask for any sort of help with anything. When I was struggling in class or outside of class, it never occurred to me that others would want to help me in any way at all. I thought that reaching out and asking for help would be irritating and annoying if I did so. Because of this mindset, I’ve kept to myself almost my whole life.
It was hard living with this mindset. My grades struggled. A lot of my friendships were hard to make and keep, and my relationship with my family suffered. And yet, I still didn’t want to change. In the back of my mind, I was scared, I didn’t want to be judged or looked at as someone weak, for asking for help or being vulnerable.
But at the same time, my mental strength couldn’t handle it. I would hold everything in until I couldn’t anymore, it always ended in disaster. At times I thought that it was good that others didn’t have to deal with my feelings, when most of the time I didn’t know how to deal with my own, so I thought that others wouldn’t understand.
When covid took over late freshman year it gave me lots of time to myself. I found that in the long almost 2-year break I had time to really dig deep into my mind and figure out how I wanted to actually live my life. I didn’t want to feel like I had to worry when I wanted to ask questions or express my feelings and I wanted to stop feeling like I was alone and to stop pushing others away. If I couldn’t express myself to others now, how would I ever be able to do it in the future?
So I made myself change, it was difficult, maybe one of the hardest things I have done. Breaking through this mental wall took many tries. Many of them have failed, but over time I was more and more successful.
When my family and I decided to make the change to RHP last year I was ready, although it was hard at first, I broke down that mental barrier surrounding my mind and I allowed myself to become comfortable with the new people around me. In the process of this, I learned your peers can influence you, it can be positive or negative.
In my case, it was very positive, so many of the people I connected with had the same wants and desires as I did in life. This made me push myself even harder to become the person I wanted to be in and outside of the classroom. They loved and supported me and let me know many times that I am allowed to be myself.
I was the happiest I was in a long time. In the first few weeks, I was thriving, I was confident in myself to finally trust others. My mind felt at peace.
I have made so many wonderful friendships, with not just my friends but with the teachers that supported me. all because I was finally allowing myself to change. I didn’t have to worry about what anyone thought when I had people who loved and supported me by my side
In my experience, you should never feel like you can’t ask for help or talk to someone when you feel scared, confused, sad and alone. Allow yourself to trust others with your thoughts and feelings, you shouldn’t ever think vulnerability means weakness, it doesn’t. And you need take advantage of friends and family’s kindness in positive ways. Allow yourself to grow and realize you’re not alone in the world. I’ve learned that if you don’t push and advocate for yourself, you’ll never make or see a change. And If you don’t try you might never find out.
Shoutouts
Thank you, Mr. Thomas, for everything from our small little convos to our college essay sessions. You’ve been so kind and supportive of me over these past 2 years, I’m going to miss you when I go to college.
Mrs. Sosa, you have been such an amazing help, I’m glad I got to work with you. Thank you for always reassuring me about anything and everything and keeping me away from a mental breakdown. Over homework and college.
To Girl’s basketball team Coach mo, coach Chelsea and Coach Syd, I am grateful for the opportunities I was given, I have never been a part of such an amazing, loving team in my entire life. I am so happy that each one of you has accepted me and pushed me to be my best and always had my back. I have never been friends with a group of people that I consider not only friends but family, and I can’t wait to watch all of you accomplish wonderful things. I love all of you so much, you are my sisters for life.
Mom and dad, thank you for giving me this opportunity to restart my life, I hope this transition didn’t just make a positive impact on me but on you guys as well. I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now without you thank you, I Love you both.