An incredible lesson I have learned about myself is that the greatest way for me to release my inner feelings is through artistic expression. Artistic expression is an ambiguous term because it means something differently to everyone, but it also creates connection within yourself, others, and what is beyond us.
The coolest thing about it, though, is everyone has it within themselves. Through time, precious moments we as humanity experience, and the hardships we face and yet overcome are all done with time and healthy mechanisms. Time and artistic expression, I can promise you, is your best friend.
Mostly everyone here knows I am an artist by hand and mind, and I create eerie and intriguing pieces. I like to make people question and stop in their tracks, but think about the meanings behind what I create. Not many know, but I am a writer. I write almost everyday. I walk past something I like, I write about it. A person in and then out of my life, I write about it. Everything touches me so deeply, so I write about it. That’s what helps me take the difficult steps in life. I am going to share a piece with you today. It is one of my most popular and well loved poems I have presented at a few open mics. I will advise you while I read, to keep an open mind and find ways to connect to what I write or how it may resonate with you. Here is what I call, The Life I Already Lived.
I’m seventeen but I feel
Like I’m 23
It’s simple.
And My heart has felt and experienced
Everything in between
But so have many other people
I wish I could be equal
With the world and myself
Time takes away just as much
As I take away from myself
I always tell people I was robbed of my childhood
I wish there were kids my age roaming around my neighborhood.
Hell if I could just put, the right pieces
Of the unwanted puzzle
Together
And not write all those death letters
but instead
I just discard it in the end
And the ink spreads
Through
Could I stop from smoking
Or choking on disgruntled thoughts
That don’t shut their mouths
Not even for the one who creates them
they always look down Upon me
Just like the people
I thought believed in me
Words are nothing
No words are something
And they haunt those who are vulnerable
I tell you
It’s just terrible
How are minds work
the way they do
How many people scrape their skins
Till their Wide open
Black and blue
We are all screwed
By nothing other
Than ourselves.
how do we reciprocate
the feelings we so desperately crave
And let go of what we already made
repeat repeat repeat
Invalidating another’s feelings
We think we are leading
Ourselves to our greatness
But just you wait
Take this
You will look at yourself in the mirror
One day
and crush it with your hands and face
Over and over and over again
Hoping to wipe clear of what you see
and see the person you never could be
Maybe it isn’t as simple as you and I think
Skip the words and pour your tears in the kitchen sink
If god is real
Why does it take the lives of people who want to live instead of the ones who want to die
They just sulk in their rooms and cry
Why am I here?
Please tell me why.
They say.
Maybe I really don’t wanna die.
I have to admit, there are times where I have been so low or so angry that I didn’t want to use my tactics. I have been exhausted. I have been defiant. I have been stubborn and will yet go through difficult times throughout my life but I will always bring myself back to a space where I can grow and heal in my own time. By giving yourself the time you need to get back up is what can be best for you. But I am here, I am strong, gifted, and I am alive.
Shout outs
I would like to thank my therapist
Mr Tomlinson.
To my friends, you know who you are. I love you for reasons I hope I inform you enough of.
My family, you also know who you are and why I love you so.
And a shout out to myself for finding the courage to keep on moving forward.