As a freshman I enjoyed journaling about the highs and lows of my life. Every evening I would start a page; sometimes with my deepest thoughts, other times with describing how my workout had gone that day. Writing in my journal allowed me to put the business of school and basketball aside and look inward. What are my goals, aspirations, what made me happy today? Each page was a reflection of my mind, and I always had something to write about. However, in February of 2021, after tearing my ACL along with several other things in my knee,, I sat at my desk, staring at a blank page.
I don’t think words could describe how much this impacted me. I was not only facing a physical battle, but also a mental one. I had to sit with my thoughts and often found myself contemplating my life every single second of the day. I no longer felt like the young girl who’s biggest worry was to do well in a basketball game. I now had so many other thoughts that filled my mind. I felt so disconnected from myself and I struggled to find my purpose, and I would even wonder why I was alive. It became a pattern that I could return to my journal and face the blank page ahead of me. I could start an idea of what to write, but would find myself leaving parts of the page blank because I couldn’t really find the words to describe how I felt. I hated this feeling, I hated leaving the page blank.
After almost a year, I was able to return to how life used to be, competing regularly once again. However, it felt different this time. My injury taught me a lot about myself and forced me to grow in many different ways. Throughout this time, I found that there were going to be days I felt like I was at my best; ready for anything, and other days where I felt like I was at the very bottom, both mentally and physically. This actually made me realize this was kind of how life goes. I believe that everything happens for a reason though and we are all faced with challenges in life to make us better people. I realized that I had taken basketball–the gift that has guided me through life in the most positive way–for granted. So once again, I sit down looking at this blank page, and I realize that I may not be certain what my purpose is, but in searching for it I have found the things that make me the happiest and I have become grateful for all this life has to offer.
Shoutouts:
Mr Quan - thanks for making class so much more fun with your humor and Thursday morning donuts.
Mr Holloway - thank you for bringing back my love for writing. I've really enjoyed having your class except on Thursdays.
Mr fuentes and mr liddiard - i appreciate all your help throughout the college applications process. I couldn't have done it without your guidance.
Mr Thomas -Thank you for being so easy to talk to and always giving such great advice. It's been so great having you as an advisor.
Coach mo - I am truly grateful that I got the chance to play for you. Thank you for always believing in me and teaching me so many valuable lessons throughout these past 2 years.
girls bball team - thank you for all the unforgettable memories we made and i couldn't have asked for better teammates. I'll miss running big 3s and 17s with you guys the most.
Keli and Madi - I literally feel like I've known you guys forever. Making tik toks with you guys and joking around every single second we are with each other is definitely something I’ll miss next year. I know you guys are going to kill it next season and I'm just so excited to see what the future holds for you both.
Cam - I will never forget all our carpool karaoke sessions and rabano runs before practice. I admire your work ethic and it's been so great seeing your growth over the past 2 years. I know you're gonna do big things.
Nicole - The random faces and gestures you make during school and in practice make me laugh the most. I'm going to miss all our film sessions in D block where we scream at the laptop and all the times we just vibe to SZA in class. You are the best co cappy anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for being there for me in times when I needed it most. I wish you nothing but the best in college.
Leila - I just wanted to say thanks for driving me everywhere because I wouldn't be able to get anywhere without you. You are literally like a sister to me and all the inside jokes we have and all the memories we’ve made will always have a special place in my heart. You mean so much to me and just know I will always be here for you.
Olivia - I can confidently say you annoy me more than anyone I’ve ever met, but oddly enough you are one of my best friends. You always brighten up my days and I know that I can talk to you about anything and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually going to miss you a lot next year.
Bachan - thank you for the endless love and support you've shown me from coming to all my games to making me breakfast everyday. I love you.
Riley - no matter how much we fight, you are still the best brother anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for always cheering me up and making me laugh. I love you, but just know I can still beat you in 1s.
Mom and dad - I appreciate all the sacrifices you guys have made for me to help me accomplish my goals. You are my best friends and number one supporters and I wouldn't be where I am today without you both. I hope I continue to make you guys proud each and every day. I love you.