July 10, 2020. A sense of dizziness, I closed my eyes and fell into deep sleep. Lights beaming, I silently laid in the secluded room they rolled me into. My heart rate increases, while I helplessly let the nurses puncture my veins, flowing IV fluid into my body. I look around, wondering how I ended up here.
A few months earlier, I was having the time of my life. Covid hit and honestly, I enjoyed the lifestyle of living under a rock. Facetiming friends, working out in my room, and binge watching shows was my daily routine. But as months start to pass, a hollow shadow began forming onto my bed sheets. And soon enough, friends started disappearing on me.
Perhaps I deserved it, I genuinely thought. People disappear for a reason, and frankly I was used to it. Being alone became my specialty, but eventually a part of me sunk, buried as I hit rock bottom. I struggled to find reasons. Reasons to be happy. Reasons to stay, to get over it.
Pushing through these difficult moments was the only option I had. Most days felt like years and at points, happiness felt unattainable, however basketball was my escape. Practice allowed me to look forward to attending school, and games sparked a reason to persevere through adversity. As I ended my last game of my senior season, flashbacks run through as our team sat in the locker room after losing in second round of CIF. Tears dripped down my face, as I grasp that this is finally over. As I walked up to my parents, a part of me felt disappointed, awaiting to see their disheartened look, instead I received warmth. I no longer felt alone.
By placing more value on the bonds I had with friends, the late night dinners I had with my family, waking up early to go to the beach and watch the sunrise, I began to enjoy the smaller moments of life. I realized the walls I had built that blocked feelings of joy and compassion, protected the pain I endured, and believed benefitted my well being, was my downfall. Even though everything is not perfect now, and may never be, breaking down my walls helped me evolve.
It’s been a while since I looked back at my old self. The version of me that was closed off to others, nonchalant and expressionless. Who I was on July 10, a version of me I hope to leave in the past.
To the person I was 3 years ago: thank you for not giving up.
I’d like to thank my parents, especially my mom, for opening a new perspective for me. She helped find meaning in my life. I want and aim to share the same kindness and open-mindedness my mother has shown me. To value all relations granted, since you never know when it ends.
Shoutouts
Mr. Thomas, thank you for being the best first and last advisor I will ever have. I valued every small conversation we had and learned so much from you.
Ms. Blanchette, I know it seems like I dread your class, but I truly look forward to going every block.
Ms. Beshke, you helped me find some joy in writing again. Thank you for your patience and support throughout the trimesters.
Mr. Fuentes, thank you so much for keeping me in check for college applications. Without you I most likely would not have applied anywhere.
RHP Girls Basketball team, I am so grateful for every moment I had with you guys. I love each and every one of you, and had the best senior season one could wish for.
Nikki, our late night drives have really been one of the best moments we had together. I can’t imagine how my life would be like if I haven’t reconnected with you.
Cam, it feels like i've known you for than this year. I admire your how much work you put into everything you do. I know you’ll do big things in the future.
Liv, I never thought I’d meet someone like you. You really are one of a kind and you never fail to put a smile on my face.
Kel, I couldn’t have asked for a better transfer buddy than you. Benching with you during the 30 day sit out had honestly made it so much easier knowing I had you next to me.
Kai, you mean the world to me, thank you for sticking by my side through the thick and thin. I love you so much.
Coach Mo, it was a honor playing for you. Thank you for helping me grow as a person and a player. I wish the best of luck to you guys next year.
Mom, Dad, thank you for the endless support. I know I haven’t been the easiest to manage, but I hope to make you proud in the future.